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There once was a cripple named Ed,
He cussed every other word that he said,
He didn't want to walk out,
But agreed with a pout,
He'd be forced to "hop out" instead
There once was a guy on Big Brother
Along with a stripper, a roofer, a mother
When beer flowed free
He's just had to pee
So he watered the lawn like no other
There once was a one-legged schmuck
Found himself shit out of luck
When the houseguests did discover
Who was his dream lover
And it was George that he wanted to fuck
There once was a one-legged stump
otherwise known as Eddie the Chump
He was foul-mouthed and crass
always scratching his ass
maybe he and Miz Jamie will hump
"I'd like to cuddle with you,"
said Britt to the rest of the crew;
"But jeez oh my gosh,"
"What do you mean Josh,"
"when you say that it makes your balls blue?"
-Greg, Webmaster, UBBFP
A trailer trash big-mouth named Eddie
Was talkin' with Pa on their beddie
Pa said, "Curtis was flippin'
cuz he caught me double-dippin'!"
Next day Curtis was packin' his Teddy!
Jamie's the girl I would shag,
Make her tight ass wiggle-wag,
I'd have so much fun,
And get off a ton,
Then I'd take off her paper bag.
queen of Washington State
Is really lacking for a date
With choices so few
What else can she do
But decide upon Josh to fellate
She sits and she stares and she moooos
Damn! Is she missing some screws?!
Her personality's vapid
Why don't they put her on acid
Instead of the grass that she chews
Who cares about Brit and her
Or Jamie and her rather large Tits
Oh how delightful!
if George drew his rifle
and blew himself and his housemates to bits
Banishment, Georgie would hate
So he's pleading to us for his fate
Pretending to be shot,
Funny that's not
To the family of his dead hunting mate!
Papa Smurf, of whom we are
Comes off like he is totally thick
With his moronic drawl
You can be sure one and all
Cannot wait to banish this prick
There is a roofer we all know.
Who wants to make a lot of dough.
When he goes out hunting with a gun.
He likes to shoot his friends for fun.
Now boot his ass off the show.
There once was a baby talking fool
Who thought that it would be cool
To color his hair
'An stuff like dat dere'
And prance around like a big bloated tool
There once was a hunter named George
With his friend for some game they would forage
He was walking too fast
The gun went off with a blast
And turned his friends head into porridge
There once was a girl named Brittany,
Her naked picture could make you quite sickly,
With an ass that's so fat,
if she sat on a cat,
I think it would die quiet quickly
Masturbation's what Brittany is craving
Her desire for it is amazing
But she won't "break the seal"
Cause the cameras will reveal
That her virginal bush needs a shaving!
moldy-haired moppet named Brit
Is really as useless as shit
The housepets should conspire
To withhold hugs from the cryer
And induce psychosis in the twit
There once was a virgin named Brit
Whose pussy was missing a clit
Still the boys did she tease
Angering Jordan the sleaze
But never on Josh will she sit.
There once was a girl with purple hair,
Appearing online totally bare,
This annoying little twit,
Known by the name of "Brit,
Oh why is she was shaped like a pear?
Oh my God!! It's a puppy to cuddle!!!
Said Brit'ny (she's ever so subtle)
to the love bed they soared
where the two of them snored
until Brittany woke up in a puddle.
There once was a psycho named Karen
Others reluctantly said "hmm..thanks for sharin'"
While she had her fun
Hubby readied his gun
At prison walls he'll soon be a starin'
Karen we simply deplore
Her monstrous gums bleeding and sore
From so much nicotine
This two-faced bitch queen
Will soon be kicked out of the door!
There once was a Mother BiPolar
whose stress ground away every molar
She thinks Curtis did wrong
sang a "pity me" song
Then ran home for her kids to console her.
There once was a nutjob named Karen
Whose teeth she always be barin'
Her gums are all red
She's screwed in the head
And those crowns really need some repairin'
There once was a woman named Karen
At her husband she always was swearin'
She'll leave hubby soon
Because she's a loon
With a heart that's cold and barren
There once was a reptile named "Mom",
A cig smokin trailer trash dom.
She tried to dis Cass,
But landed flat on her ass,
Reading hate mail on every dot com!
She curses and cries at the least
On her soul a demon must feast.
Somebody get us a Padre
For that BITCH PsychoMadre
And maybe he'll exorcise the beast!
On BB there's a mom whose all gums
Watching her makes me take Tums
But the bitch will be out
And then I will shout
"What will we do with the rest of the bums?"
Karen says "Oh my gosh!"
"This rebellion against me I can't quash"
"My banishment they seek"
"By Wednesday next week"
"And I never even got to fuck Josh!"
"I'm out of Marlboros and Prozac!"
Declared Karen while smoking her last pack
Her nerves they will fray
Before the people end her stay
Then she'll switch from tobacco to crack!
There once was a mother named Karen
Who griped about all... too much sharin'
She got nominated out
Now all she does is pout
A smile of relief for the others they'll be wearin'
Karen brings such stress and such strife
Can you imagine her as your wife?
But soon she'll be gone
The others will move on
And she can contemplate post-divorce life!
We all know of Jordan the ho
Who into the Big Brother house did go
On return from the ride
With a baby inside
Who's the father? In 9 months she'll know
Please vote for Jordan the skank
So she'll have little cash left in the bank
A 99-cent fee
Is your guarantee
That she soon be on the pages of "Swank"
There once was a dancer exotic
Who made all the others neurotic
With cheekbones so thick
She makes all viewers sick
Let's vote out that scheming psychotic.
Big Brother for contestants did hunt;
But frankly he's no Allan Funt.
For Jordan the stripper
Makes nobody chipper.
Where did he find such a cunt?
There once was a stripper from "Sheik's"
Who whined her way through a whole week
Then the house guests declared
That she had better prepare
To join her friend Mega the freak
There once was a stripper from Minnesota,
Whose ears stuck straight out like Yoda's.
But she had plenty of fans,
Because she didn't use her hands,
To pick up a bottle of soda.
There once was a stripper into biking
Who found many different men to her liking
She dated an all-pro
But he got wise to the ho
When she danced naked for all of the Vikings.
There once was a Latin amoeba
Who met Jordan while backpacking in Lima
The doctor came in
And said, "strip to your skin"
Then offered her bismol and Zima.
A massage was what Eddie expected
Instead he was quite disrespected
By blow after blow
From William's elbow
And Mega's fondling he rejected!
You are truly full of spite
So you came to post on this site
You like to complain
"Oh the cast is so lame"
But you know you still watch at night
The show that annoys like no
Is the CBS farce "Big Brother"
"Survivor" it's not
And, lacking a plot
I vote the entire cast be smothered.
I miss the bbsucks flamer
Since Scarin left the posters got tamer
The sanctimonious bitches
Act like CBS snitches
Their tirades get lamer and lamer.
There once was a site BBSucks,
That asked "Where'd they find these 10 schmucks?"
Stupid card games galore,
my god they're a bore,
Give this site the half million bucks!
Julie Chen just doesn't make sense.
Did she really think "That was intense"?
For this "serious anchor,"
We have nothing but rancor.
because she's so boring and dense.
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